R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
