Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
