also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
