I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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