This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
