Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
