so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
