I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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