my vag is so smooth its legendary
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
