I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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