Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
