Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
