It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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