I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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