dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
this is an emotional support booty call
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
