Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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