I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
