Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
