I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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