eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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