I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
