She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
