We named our party play list daddy issues
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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