CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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