everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
