My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
