i think i have herpe
just one?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
