Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
