i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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