That's intense
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
