Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
