and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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