Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
