are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
