pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
