Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
