I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
