I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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