he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
