I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
