Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
