just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
one might say we're banned from that church
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We are all done wearing pants today
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
