you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
