i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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