is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
