you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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