using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
