The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
