just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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