I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
