She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
