i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
