How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
