Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
