My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
two words...techno handjob
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
